Awareness

A skilled communicator is aware of the way he/she acts or expresses themselves. This takes practice to be mindful of our thoughts and deeds and the consequences that may result. Too often I have observed disputants, who are initially well intentioned, default to their defensive postures and say or do things which have unintended negative consequences. It may be worthwhile to give a brief pause before you let someone know what you really think, though there should be a balance, less the conversation be too contrived. On the other hand, I suppose this is context driven. If you are wooing your significant other, you better cut back on the thinking and say what you are feeling, right pronto.

Starbuck's mediation lesson for the day

The sales clerk invited me to enjoy a breakfast pairing (Coffee and a breakfast sandwich for a $.50 savings.) I asked what my choices were and she said "lowfat turkey bacon, sausage/ egg...."

I said "that one", intending to order the "lowfat turkey bacon", but, alas, becuse I was not heard or was not clear, got the sausage/egg, instead.

Lesson: Even though we think we might be clear, it may be worthwhile to check in to see if we were really heard.Oftentimes even the best communicators are not always clear. Conversely, as mediators, we need to check in with the disputants to let them know we heard them, less we have garbled communication.

My son's Team in Training fundraising endeavors in memory of his brother

My Fundraising Page

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Mediators are people too!

One of the things I've noticed is how rapidly I form assessments of people based on speech, dress, hygiene and how this sometimes intrudes on how I feel about someone or something. While I try to keep these judgments to myself during mediation, I know I have to be mindful of myself, and keep my personal feelings or thoughts in check which might sabotage the mediation. What brings this to mind was a contestant I saw on "America's Got Talent". (I normally don't watch this kind of stuff.....honest, I don't.) Did you see it? The unshaven country bumpkin, his hat turned backwards, with a deep southern accent, whose last job was a "chicken catcher". (There goes the judgment, again.) I was prepared to be absolutely unimpressed and fully expected this individual to make a fool of himself....Suffice it to say he had the voice of an angel and the emotion that pervaded his lyrics almost brought me to tears. Lesson. Don't judge a book by it's cover, but listen for the truth and the inner story.